Ok. After a day of deliberation and consultation, I've got it. I filtered through options like you wouldn't believe. Of course at first it was hard not to project my own personal vices, and my initial reaction was "Diet Coke. Duh." But I would hate to risk your health. Further ideas ranged from buying a gold fish, to skinny dipping, to lots of hip-hop with synthesized beats and really bad rhymes. Stephen suggested sweat-pants, and when I told him most women wear them when home alone, he looked horrified. Anyway, we both agreed that your vice should be as follows:
For the next three years, you are going to watch and follow, religiously, a really stupid television show. I might even make it more specific and say a reality show. My reccomendation, the Bachelor/Bachelorette/Bachelor Pad. You probably just puked. But you're going to love it. You're going to watch it knowing full well that it's ridiculous. That it's edited. That the feelings are disgenuine and that everyone is in it for the money. That said, you are going to let yourself get attached. You are going to care about the individuals and their overdramatized plights. You are going to buy magazines claiming to reveal secrets about the given season. You are going to call me and tell me all about it. Once a week you will turn off your brain, turn on the television or computer, and let others think and feel for you.
* No cheating. You can't claim that Frontline or Planet Earth or anything of the like is stupid. Cops = stupid, Jersey Shore = stupid, Discovery Channel= out of the question.
Also, if you need more than one, there really is nothing better than a diet coke after a long day.
All our love.