Monday, May 14, 2012

to my future children

This is a picture Chris snapped at the Stanford Powwow last week. 

For twenty-two years I thought I was 1/16 Native American. That delusional, pale-faced fantasy ended in 2009, when your Uncle Spencer asked what tribe our great grandma was in. A brief fact-check into Horman family history revealed that Adeline Coolbear’s British accent was so indecipherable that Salt Lake City Mormons thought she was speaking the native Ute language. This is hilarious to everyone except me, and the pain of this discovery is something I will spare you by telling you that you are not 1/32 Native American. Assuming the SPF 95 you’re wearing to your piano lesson didn’t tip you off, you are one hundred percent white.

 love you,

 mom and dad


  1. that's news had to rock your world. for that i am sorry. haha. fortunately i have my family tree to back up my 1/32 French Canadian Indian, and 1/32 Cherokee blood (thus actually making me a 1/16 Native haha) Luckily for me I also have my never burning olive skin as consta-proof too. i wish you well with your new and improved family tree!

  2. I actually remember you talking about this way back in the good ole days on Heather Lane, Brit!! I think the real story is way more awesome to tell for what its worth :).

  3. I know I should be more sympathetic, but I can't help but laugh. You've presented this so humorously. ;)

  4. I'm not sure which is more surprising: that anyone could mistake a thick English accent for a Native American dialect or that fact that you sat in silence with your 1/16th all those years and allowed my 1/32nd to bring me such torment at the hands of Patrick and others all those years...


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