Tuesday, December 8, 2015

careful what you wish for

There are no pictures of me right now. ("right now" = the last four months, and "no pictures" = pictures where I'm wearing something other than a bathrobe). So here is a picture from our Christmas card photos. Related: send me your address if you want a card from the Perrys. 

I’ve talked before about my (previous, since-abandoned) fear/disgust of pregnancy, but I left out some stuff because I come across as a horrible person. For example, in college I said that when I got pregnant I wanted to be locked up in the attic and not come down for nine months. I said it would be like “The Yellow Wallpaper” but instead of covering up post-partum depression it would be to hide my freaky-looking body.

There’s a part of me that believes that I cursed myself a little bit. Which, if you read that charming anecdote, I clearly deserved. In my first pregnancy, it was seven months before I could really go anywhere but the doctor’s, and every day I could hear 22-year-old Brittney saying, “Lock me in an attic.” Well, I wasn’t in the attic, but I still got what I essentially asked for. For months I cried next to a bucket, and I wondered if I might have been spared the pukes if I had just been a little bit less terrible when I was younger.

We’re almost four months into this second pregnancy, and I have no ambition to do anything, but I do I have a renewed desire to apologize to the universe or God or karma, and anyone who ever heard me say that stuff. I’m sorry I didn’t respect the miracle of life. I’m sorry I made insensitive jokes. I’m sorry for being such a turd. And even though I HATE the pukes, thank you for limiting my punishment. You could have made it much worse.

b perry

5 comments:

  1. I didn't know you were pregnant again! Congrats :)

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  2. Congrats on your second pregnancy! So exciting! Hopefully you start feeling better soon!

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  3. I hope you get some respite soon! Congratulations!

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  4. !!!! Brit!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!
    This is great news!
    Except for the puking part, which is you know, sometimes inevitable but always sucky. Sorry you get the pukes.
    You're my favourite.

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  5. Congrats! That's so exciting and I am glad this time around you know what to expect. :) Even though it's never what you expect, but at least you know you love the outcome. I hope you feel better earlier! Love you!

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