Wednesday, June 28, 2017

The Ultimate 4th of July

July 4th is next week, so I wanted to remind you about Taylor Swift’s party last year, and let you know that the Perry’s Patriotic Party will not be quite this lit. 

This weekend I received an invitation to join the American Association of Retired Persons. I don’t know who is selling my information, but this is the third or fourth offer, and the first was extended when I was 22 years old. Some might be insulted at the insinuation of aging prematurely, but not me.

About a year ago I had to answer an icebreaker question, “Who would you chose for your celebrity girl squad?” After hearing other responses it eventually became clear that the question was inspired by Taylor Swift and her army of beautiful rich friends. The other girls had Buzzfeed-worthy squads with models, musicians, and actresses, but not me.

Before I heard all the other responses, I thought for a full fourteen minutes about my ideal celebrity girl squad. I could only think of one person:

Ruth Bader Ginsburg 

How cool would it be if The Notorious RBG wanted to hang out with you?! What if you lived across the street from her and every week or so she stopped by after work to have some tea and cookies. Today I could tape a note on her door that says, “Hey you really nailed it this year! Let summer begin!” If my Fourth of July plans included matching sweaters and Scattergories with Ruth, I’m sorry, T Swift’s instagram would have nothing on mine.

It’s not that I don’t want to be friends with Karlie Kloss (she is definitely my first age-appropriate choice), it’s just that I think the AARP is on to me. Maybe not the retirement part specifically, but I think was born 70 on the inside and I’ve been aging into my personality for 30 years. Yes, that includes the crotchety Get Off My Lawn stuff, but it also includes a desire to be warm and soft and grandmotherly. I want to mail cards on your birthday or bring over your favorite pie in the middle of the day.

And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go catch up on this month’s book club and turn in early. Though compared to my demographic, to say I like to go to bed “early” would be to engage in careless understatement.

b perry


  1. This makes me so incredibly happy because (1) I too have been getting AARP invitations for years, for which Tyler makes fun of me and (2) RBG all the way.

  2. This is why we are soulmates. Pop culture is not my thing, I've been saying I'm 65 on the inside for the last 10 years. Bring me all the 70s floral printed couches and weird shag rugs and cats and let me crochet all day while listening to old music! (Except you should probably leave the cats because I like it when my husband can breathe)


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